Since our episode of Unfaithful aired yesterday on OWN I thought it was a good time to discuss what it’s like to remember something awful.
Everyone knows the saying, “forgive and forget”. Well it’s simply not a very truthful saying. Even after you forgive, you will likely remember forever. The power of forgiveness is the memory does not get to control you or your emotions any longer.
Watching the show last night with Jenni was almost as difficult as sitting in counseling sessions shortly after she confessed to me. The pain was fresh, raw and totally disturbing.
I was humiliated very publicly.
Don’t read into what I am saying here. It was by choice and I don’t regret sharing so publicly. BUT, it was painful and difficult to endure in the moment.
As much as I want to crawl back in a hole and feel sorry for myself . Instead I am choosing to move forward, to push closer to Jenni and to continue to chose forgiveness over bitterness. God has worked a miraculous restoration in our marriage and I am very grateful. In all sincerity this experience has proved to be another layer of healing in our marriage and a kick in the head for Satan.
If you are dealing with betrayal or struggling with something you need to confess. Please be encouraged that there is healing and forgiveness available to you. Your story may turn out very different than ours but I know that I wouldn’t change much of anything from the past two years. As painful as it has been, the rewards are far greater. My encouragement to you is to simply do the next “right” thing. You probably know what that is.
Mrs. Clayville,
I am so proud of your willingness to be humbled, vulnerable, and even attacked by a few. I know your heart. Everything you have shared publicly was intentional in order to help a few ladies avoid making the same mistakes. To right a wrong. I am proud of you for risking everything with just a slight hope that you would be able to live with me in total honesty and purity. I am not sure if I could have made the incredibly difficult decisions that you have made along this journey of restoration. You will have a special place in the God’s kingdom one day. I love you.
Thank you for being an example of Godly leadership and strength in your home, Brian.
Jason it is not easy and I have sucked at it more than I care to admit:-)
i wondered last night how hard it was for you. I prayed for you. As my hubs and I watched, i know it stirred some of our own personal pains, but also a rewarding feeling that the enemy did not succeed in your situation and not in ours. Praying for your family, as i know only God restores, and heals. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!
Darla,
Thank you for the prayers because they were needed and still are. God has been beyond good to us in all of this. We are very thankful.
I didn’t have the luxury or I was fortunate enough (tough to figure out which) to have my wife watch with me, nor was she with me when I interviewed Jenni a year or so ago.
I hadn’t really thought about it until I read this post, but I denied her the opportunity to learn and grow, as I have, through your story.
I didn’t want her listening and giving me the “let’s try this” and “it worked for them” talks.
It was moons ago and I’m beyond over it……I don’t think she ever will be, but I’ve saved it on the DVR and we’ll start there when she gets home.
As I’ve said to Jenni several times, thank you both for your openness. His strength has moved mountains in many lives through you guys.
Toby,
Thank you for commenting. I am beyond thrilled if any of our experiences can challenge or encourage you two in your marriage. It’s not comfortable most of the time when we make the necessary adjustments but the payoff is worth it.
Hope to you meet you one day.
You are my hero, babe. It sucks that it took such a devastating disaster for me to figure that out… but I’m beyond thankful that you still chose me after all of this.
I love you more than words can ever express.
Hi Jenni and Brian,
I saw the episode featuring you guys on OWN tonight. While at first I was upset by what I saw, I have to give you guys a lot of credit for opening up to the public about this. The show says names etc have been change to protect privacy but not you guys. As difficult as it was/is, you laid it bare. I also have give you credit because growing up in the church I had this notion that all marriages and families in the church were perfect. My youth pastor and peers at the time set me straight that actually marriages in the church usually have higher divorce rates than those outside. While watching programs about such topics like the one featuring you guys has to a degree jaded me on ever getting married or raising a family, I’m glad to see that people can over come their problems in life and work towards something better.
Cheers
thanks for your comment, trevor. we can understand how all this can definitely have you jaded over marriage. but we can also attest to how great marriage can be. i (jenni) made some really bad choices and was fortunate enough that brian gave me a second chance… but we know many marriages that don’t go through trauma like ours. it can truly be an amazing blessing.
praying for you and what blessings God will bring to you.
Wow! It’s so neat how God works! I just found your stories yesterday and was so blessed by them! We’re a few years in to healing and I will attest that our marriage is way better than before (I was the one betrayed but we were both responsible) however my dilemma at this point is reminders. I have a mind that associates and there are reminders everyday through this and sometimes it’s wearying. I’ve never participated in a blog before but leaving your site yesterday I made a decision to encourage others with Gods faithfulness in bringing beauty from ashes!!! However, my question back was going to be about reminders.. especially reminders that a little brat demon lobs to me at the most intimate times. Then this morning I found this most recent blog entry. Thank you. Is it just me deciding and God healing over time that will reduce the impact?
May God continue to bless you as you minister to others like us. I’ll be back because there’s no one that I have to talk with that’s been through this.
JFD,
I am always willing to talk to people…Especially people who have been through something like this. Feel free to shoot me an email and I can connect with you more personally.
Glad you have decided to share your healing with others, it really is so powerful to give others hope through the healing you have experienced.
As far as the reminders always being there. They fade big time, it’s been intentional for us to do things that bring reminders. Mainly because we want to encourage as many people as possible through sharing what God did with us. When you share publicly there will be big reminders and attempts by Satan to make you relive the pain. This is where we must be diligent in the renewing of our minds every day so these reminders can’t bring us down.
God Bless