So after a long summer and fall break from speaking at Churchatbethany, I told Matt Payne (my pastor) I would cover for him on December 6th because he was going a New Thing event somewhere in the East .  I accepted the responsibility before Thanksgiving and anticipated spending a decent amount of time over the Holiday to prepare.  Well, I also forgot that I was due for all my continuing education for maintain my Oregon Life Insurance License.

By Friday night after Thanksgiving I was texting Matt to see if I could get out of speaking because I was feeling way too overwhelmed.  He said he had no back up plan and that he was confident I could pull it off (inside he was probably freaking out just a bit).  Besides all that, I am in charge of our Christmas Tree Fundraiser and that kicked off on Thanksgiving weekend and goes through the 13th of December (come buy a tree we have tons still available).

So I decided to focus in one thing at a time and just get it all done.  By no0n on Sunday (Thanksgiving Weekend) I was totally done with my continuing education (so I thought).  We then had to drive from La Grande back to Portland which takes about 5 to 6 hours with kids and stops.  So I had all week between, work, kids and Christmas tree fundraiser to get my sermon ready to go.  I had it edited pretty well by Friday morning and finished it totally by Saturday evening.  Then I got to practice it a few times that evening and Sunday morning.  I felt like it went pretty well, even though my nerves still  mess me up when I get in front of people.  I felt like I did a better job with the delivery this time.   People seemed to be engaged and tracking with me.  The biggest improvement I think was because I personalized the message more.  It helped me to deliver it more from memory and do less reading from my notes.

The message was on Scripture and how we use it to grow in our own faith but also how to include family and small group in our spiritual growth.  The main point; the scriptures are all about Jesus, every story points to him.  The only way to really experience him is to fully immerse yourself in the scripture.

The podcast should be up soon here on the Church site.  Feel free to give me some constructive criticism if you are a seasoned speaker.  The main thing I really messed up was not having a transition for the worship team to know when to come up at the end but of course you can’t hear that on the podcast anyway.  It was totally awkward and kind of funny.  That’s how you learn though, Right?

Whats your most memorable or embarrassing moment as a public speaker?

Sorry this is getting posted a little late today…Internet connection issues here in the back woods of Oregon.

Today I am so thankful for my life and so many aspects of it that I had to share a few with you all…

• For my Savior who has given me purpose, hope, joy and forgiveness.
• My wife…she makes up for so many areas that I lack.  Running our home, authentic relationship, mothering and caring for our children.
• My children for being so adorable, mysterious, innocent and full of joy.
• My parents for standing beside me and my family during the roughest year ever.  Doing so many things for me that I could not do for myself this year.
• For a great job that allows me to reach my potential and engage with people in my community.
• For my health, something you can’t truly appreciate until it’s gone.

What are you thankful for today or this week, month or year?

Birthday’s are awesome…It’s fun to have everyone acknowledge you one day out of the year.  Even if your birthday represents an age that feels old or you thought you would never reach.

Last Thursday (Nov. 19th in case you want to plan for next year) was my birthday and I got a ton of “happy birthday” wishes on facebook and twitter.  But i have to say, the best two presents I got were:

• Jenni’s Blog Post
• My own personal song written by a good friend, David Goodwin

Love Endures (Snoring) by dg4G

Lyrics:

Waking everybody with a sound
That’s been likened to sawing
Some call it snoring
All the best husbands do it
So our wives have something to tweet about

As if the bobbleheaded conversation
sprinkled with some speculation
covering the sanitation habits of the generation
that we’re raising all across the nation
…wasn’t enough

(some choral wailing)

Kids are upside down in nearly
Every single family picture
It’s probably better that way
Definitely better than attempts
to fish for sharks from the car

I wonder whose genes he got?
Should this be rhymed with bergamot?
Maybe, but probably not
Though citrus-scented gas
Might be a winner

(some more choral wailing)

(Love)
Love never gives up, never looks back
Never gives up, never looks back, never gives up…
(endures)

(Love endures)…

Waking everybody with a sound
That’s been likened to sawing
Often called snoring
And if I’m not sleeping through life, you’re not going to either.

All the other gestures were awesome and truly appreciated!  I am blessed with more quality friendships now than at any other time in my life.

I am lame…There you go, I admitted it.

Last week I started a new job with a company called CarHelp.  I will be doing business to business sales introducing our network to automotive service providers around Oregon and SW Washington.  It’s a unique challenge being pretty much a start up company.  I am excited about it but it also means that I will not be seeing the family nearly as much as I have gotten used to.  Blogging will also be more of a rarity for now.  Soon I should get into a routine and get back on track with regular posts.

Stay Tuned!

I never thought I would write about one of the most over used and most often ignored passages in The Bible.

It really hit me when a guy from our small group shared his testimony and read this passage along with it.  This verse makes more sense to me and is more clear to me now than the 100 times I had read/heard it before.  You know the saying, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”?  Well, it applies here.  I now see how true that cliche really is.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)

There are a couple of lines that really stand out to me in light of my experiences with love this year.

Love never gives up

Love cares more for others than for self…In relationships – especially marriage, it is easy to do “stuff” for your spouse and think, “I just racked up some points.”  What it’s saying instead of considering the “points”, we do these things JUST because we want to care for our spouse and honor our relationship.  This also helps us avoid building up unspoken expectations.  According to this verse, there are no points in “real” love.

Love doesn’t keep score of the sins of others and puts up with anything… This one really hit home for me.  I can’t relive the times my wife hurt me so I can justify rude, hurtful or, in my case, silent behavior.  Once it’s forgiven, it is to never be used against the one you love again.

I have gained a fresh perspective on loving someone unconditionally as well as living under the illusion of love.  I have been guilty of claiming to love but not having all the attributes listed above.  I have experienced the claim of love for me with many of these pieces missing as well.  I truly believe now that if I look for someone else to love me like this description, there will most likely be disappointment.  If I choose to love to the best of my ability like this, my love may come back to me more purely than I ever expected.

I am called to give it my best effort.

Can any of us claim to have perfect love for anyone or anything?  These are pretty demanding statements.

How have you experienced love like this?
How have you shown love like this?

I would actually love to hear about it.

It’s really hard to compete with Jenni’s own birthday tribute so I won’t even try.  Instead, I will just make a couple statements showing my admiration.

     JENNI

• You are one the most courageous people I have ever known
• You seek to love, respect and honor me (this makes me happy)
• God is using you in huge ways because you choose an authentic life
• You are a fabulous mother to our boys
• Your cooking skills have blossomed and I love the meals you make
• You are beautiful on the outside and the inside
• I am so excited about spending the next 31 years with you

Hope you enjoy your free birthday present because that is all I can afford this year.  I love you very much!

I am beginning to understand more about being “ONE” in a marriage.

If you haven’t read up on Jenni’s story or listened to our story, I encourage you to go there first so my perspective will make more sense.

The Bible calls us to leave our parents, cleave to our new spouse and become “ONE”.  How the heck do we that if we have never seen anyone model it?  What does that even mean?

If you are anything like me, you might be totally clueless!

MY BIG DISCOVERY:

^34-37Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?

³⁸“If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I’m leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you’ll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels.”

Mark 8:34-38

This  passage has been brought to my attention at least 10 times this year and I think I am finally taking it to heart.   The part I am finally understanding is this:  I must lose my own life so I can experience Christ more fully.

I have to let go of my insecurities, my emotional baggage, my right to hold a grudge and so on.  Christ wants me to fully surrender my life to him every morning.

What does this have to do with being “ONE”?

If our baggage and emotional needs are based in a selfish or false reality, how can we be a safe place for our spouse?  If we aren’t willing to surrender our junk to God and be completely open to his leading, how can we possibly give ourselves fully to each other?  Let’s take another approach: Are you honest with yourself?  I mean really HONEST!

If you said “no”, or “I’m not sure”… then chances are, you are NOT being open with your spouse.  This, I PROMISE, will not lead to “ONENESS”.

I’ve wasted 8 years living in self denial and trying every possible way to live my own life.  It’s so much more exciting living in this new state of surrender and truly loving my wife for the first time.

I may be SLOW but I am learning.

Dear Men,

I feel like my voice has been awakened for you.  The faithful, strong, loving husbands and fathers.

You know who you are.

You are the type who treat people with respect even when they don’t deserve it.  You turn the other cheek frequently and take care of your business (at least the business that you know how to handle).  I was one of you my whole life.

I AM YOU.

Then one day,  my world was shaken so hard it almost destroyed me in it’s quake.  My wife and I shared that experience  publicly yesterday for the first time.

What I want to share today are a few key “things” that helped me find my voice (people/decisions):

FRIENDS: Justin and Trisha Davis were placed in our path by God at just the right time.  They helped tip the first domino that began a crucial and life changing chain of events for us.  You can read about that on Justin’s recent post.  Another couple who we connected to immediately was Chad & Sarah Markley.  Sarah and Jenni connected first, but Chad quickly became a lifeline for me.  Chad modeled the behavior I wanted to reflect in my life.  He pursued me and spoke truth and love to me.

It was after Jenni had revealed her affair to me that I began a long period of soul searching, hiding, self-medicating and just plain being angry and depressed.  I had a few people along the way who spoke truth to me and probably a hundred people praying over us from near and far.  Satan tried everything in his power to suppress my voice and keep me in hiding.

Fortunately,  God had bigger plans for me.

DECISIONS: Early on, I chose to stay with Jenni even though she had totally broken my heart.  It was a combination of knowing that she was the love of my life and not wanting my boys to grow up in a broken home.  Later, I made another decision.  It was time to “OWN” my pain, only then could God truly begin to heal my heart.  Until I could totally forgive Jenni, I would not be free from reliving that pain.

Once I came to grips with these decisions, I was free to hear God’s voice.  My desire to seek Him daily was awakened like I hadn’t experienced in years.  Having this renewed connection with God was the most healing experience in this whole devastation.  This also opened the door to using the tools my Life Coach introduced me to.  He helped me look at “thoughts” I was holding onto from my past that kept me from expressing my feelings and being the MAN God had called me to be.  Almost immediately, I let go of some destructive thought patterns… the one’s that were not serving me.  Almost immediately, I found myself freely speaking my mind.  

FINALLY!

Within days, I was communicating with Jenni in ways I never had in our whole 8 years of marriage.

It was honest.
It was intimate.
It was AWESOME!

This is when God clearly said, “Brian, it’s time to share your story”. I mentioned this to Jenni and what was amazing was she said she was hearing the same exact message from God.

We went to our counselor, our coach and our closest supporters and they all agreed it was a good idea.  Matt, our pastor,  said it would be perfect if we could share our story during his message that coming Sunday (yesterday).  This was WAY SOONER than we had in mind but we chose to believe that God’s timing is perfect.

Men… Do whatever it takes to Seek God and have Him help you find your voice!  There are hundreds of thousands of people who can be encouraged by what you have to say.  Lives and relationships can be changed for the better.

It’s not easy.  In fact, it’s downright scary… but God has called you to do it!  I am discovering every day that the most exciting place to live is in the center of God’s will.

Please continue to pray for us and specifically that I can continue to use my voice to honor God.

I am not even going to try and write an update right now.  Today was overwhelmingly good but exhausting.  Please check Jenni’s update and links to our story when you have the time.  Thanks for all the prayer support today.  It was so needed and appreciated.

Good Night.

About three or four weeks ago, I made a decision to be completely obedient to God.

You may think, If you are a Christian, shouldn’t you have done that a long time ago?

The answer would be, YES!

And I have done this several times in my life before.

Life happened and I slipped back into old habits, justifying behavior as I went along.

Part of this obedience process has been really painful, but the joy I am feeling is SO much greater.  This morning at 10:30am Jenni and I will be sharing something that is very painful and real at our Church.  We are so fortunate, that our story doesn’t end with the pain, we have found hope in forgiveness and in Jesus Christ.

If you read this in time and live in Portland, come here our story.  If you can’t make it, go ahead and listen to the podcast that should be available by Monday.

God is so Good and I am excited to see where this adventure takes us over the coming days, months and years!  Please, Keep us in your prayers so God can be glorified in our humility.