You are the man! Thanks for letting me know that I am not lame. I am not lame, I am not lame, I am not lame…speaking to my mirror and I think it’s working.

I wish I had a simple answer for you that would make your pain go away. Sorry, I don’t.

I can tell you that my healing has happened because early on in this situation, we shared our story with a good hand full of people that we knew we could count on for prayer. They prayed over us continually as we worked together to heal. Jenni, my wife was also seeking restoration and putting a lot of effort into achieving that. We had help from a counselor and a coach who helped us navigate emotional damage from the past.

The best thing you can do is to widen your circle of prayer warriors and seek out a couple of people who can provide wise counsel and then act on it. I am truly sorry for your pain and will gladly pray for you as well.

I love that name by the way. Thanks for steady words of encouragement you send via twitter and comments on my blog. I know you are a very thoughtful person and your words are meaningful. I am glad we have connected over the electronic mediums and hope to meet face to face one day and have a great conversation.

Thanks Helen,
Love you too!

I’m in the midst of a broken marriage. My husband gave up on marital counseling. I’m still going not so much to save my marriage (because I can’t do it on my own) but to become a healthier person. Things happened early on in our relationship that incited a great pain for me. I am realizing that I am still holding on to that pain, primarily because the wound is still raw and is still being inflicted on a daily basis by selfishness and the brokenness of my marriage.

How exactly do I “OWN” my pain while I’m hurting, while I’m being pained? I really don’t know how to “totally forgive” my husband for the past, while the present is still in my face. Yet, I really do want to be free from this pain.

Any suggestions?
Feel free to email me if you’d like…
Thanks

Following up (finally) on what I said on twitter the other day.

This post is spot-on, as our friends across the pond would say. I’ve come back to read it several times.

This passage, to me, describes God’s love for His creations – specifically us. It’s a perfect love that we will never be capable of giving on our own, and even with His help we will not give it consistently. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth striving for.

Several years ago, a pastor taught on this passage. He said something that has stuck with me ever since. Replace every occurence of the word you with your name and then read the passage again. That is how we are called to act. That is how we will act when our lives reflect Christ.

“There are no points in real love.” is very true. There is, however, a lot of joy in giving this love. Some of my most joyous times have been when I’ve done something for my wife or children just because I could or wanted to, with no expectations of even an acknowledgement.

“Love doesn’t keep track of the sins of others and puts up with anything”

This one really hit home with me as well about two years ago. I had shared my marital situation with my pastor (at that time he was my new pastor), and the subject of forgiveness came up. I spent two days fighting in my mind the idea of forgiving my wife if it meant I had to also let the past go. Once I was able (with a whole lot of help from God) to make that step, I found a huge load lifted off my shoulders. Forgiving others is a very freeing experience – it frees you from a slow death by the poison of bitterness and anger.

I’m not saying it’s easy. It can be incredibly hard, especially in the face of betrayal or rejection. It is something that quite often we have to practice repeatedly. True forgiveness is something that I believe is only possible with the Lord’s help.

Ultimately, we can only determine our own actions. We can choose to love as God does (what can I do for others) or we can choose to love as the world does (what can others do for me). I think the former method will bring you much longer-term happiness than the latter.

None of us can, on our own ability, claim to love like 1 Corinthians 13.

Any of us can, with God’s help and strength, come close.

Every believer who knows God experiences this kind of love. It’s a most worthy goal to strive for.

I am doing my best to show love like this to my family, though some days are better than others. I didn’t show this kind of love before, and too many people (other than me) have paid a steep price for what I have learned.

I hope this wasn’t too long….I like to talk/write. Why say in 140 characters when I can say it in 140,000,000?

Thank you for sharing your heart. Your post really blessed me, and many others I’m sure.

It takes an incredibly courageously couple to share what many would prefer to keep private. By sharing your story, you show God’s redemptive power – nothing is beyond His ability to fix. And He does more than just fix it – He generally makes it better than it was.

I would also like you to know that your story, as well as Chad and Sara’s, are a huge encouragement to Christian husbands who have gone, or are going through what you experienced. There are many stories of restoration where the husband fell away, but very few where the wife fell away. Your stories, and more importantly your example will encourage these men to continue their stand for their marriage while God molds them into the men He planned them to be.