Everyone knows the saying, “forgive and forget”. Well it’s simply not a very truthful saying. Even after you forgive, you will likely remember forever. The power of forgiveness is the memory does not get to control you or your emotions any longer.

Watching the show last night with Jenni was almost as difficult as sitting in counseling sessions shortly after she confessed to me. The pain was fresh, raw and totally disturbing.

I was humiliated very publicly.

Don’t read into what I am saying here. It was by choice and I don’t regret sharing so publicly. BUT, it was painful and difficult to endure in the moment.

As much as I want to crawl back in a hole and feel sorry for myself . Instead I am choosing to move forward, to push closer to Jenni and to continue to chose forgiveness over bitterness. God has worked a miraculous restoration in our marriage and I am very grateful. In all sincerity this experience has proved to be another layer of healing in our marriage and a kick in the head for Satan.

If you are dealing with betrayal or struggling with something you need to confess. Please be encouraged that there is healing and forgiveness available to you. Your story may turn out very different than ours but I know that I wouldn’t change much of anything from the past two years. As painful as it has been, the rewards are far greater. My encouragement to you is to simply do the next “right” thing. You probably know what that is.

Mrs. Clayville,

I am so proud of your willingness to be humbled, vulnerable, and even attacked by a few. I know your heart. Everything you have shared publicly was intentional in order to help a few ladies avoid making the same mistakes. To right a wrong. I am proud of you for risking everything with just a slight hope that you would be able to live with me in total honesty and purity. I am not sure if I could have made the incredibly difficult decisions that you have made along this journey of restoration. You will have a special place in the God’s kingdom one day. I love you.

They are no different than me accept most of them have no relationship with their Creator. One particular person stands out from the crowd. She is an amazingly warm and friendly woman I’ll call Virginia. Virginia is 63 years old.  Looking at Virginia you would not think of your typical grandmotherly type. She is completely covered in tattoos, she is not afraid to hug every man in the bar and will talk about absolutely anything with just about anyone. She has befriended me over the past couple months and introduced me to several regulars.

The last time I went to play I got to sit next to Virginia and I started asking about her tattoos. She told me about the next one she wants to get and showed me a necklace that it would be copied from. She asked if I knew what it said or meant. I had no clue.

As she began to explain the symbol for slaves she asked if I knew anything about Dominatrix. Me, a little in shock, said no. She procedes to tell me about her current “Slave” relationship with a retired high ranking military man. She grew up inside the Hells Angels motorcycle gang. She said her mom was a slave to her father and so this lifestyle is really all she has known. She is basically the property of this man and has to submit to pretty much whatever he tells her to do. It is quite fascinating and frightening all at the same time.

Virginia asked if I was freaked about what she was telling me. Inside, I was a little freaked out but I told her I wasn’t. It became crystal clear to me in that moment that I am speaking to someone who has lived in dark captivity her whole life and she doesn’t even know it. Satan has so deceived her since she was a little child that she now believes this is a totally acceptable lifestyle. I silently prayed for her to be released from satan’s bondage and to know what God’s freedom feels like. The conversation died for a while and I just pondered the things she had revealed to me. I felt honored to be given this opportunity to know so much about her and to know that I am able to show her what a relationship with my Savior looks like.

Eventually I asked her what it was like to be inside the Hells Angels. She said all the “myths” that I have heard are not myths at all. It is not a friendly organization. She went on to tell me some more things that were hard to fathom. She also told me that she has had experiences with ghosts or spirits. Early in our conversation I sensed that she was in severe spiritual bondage and the more she shared the more her spiritual captivity became apparent.

In my past I would have written Virginia off as a weirdo and moved on. Now, her situation really bothers me. I truly want to help her find freedom in Christ. The thing I know is I have to show her the power of God. She has to have some desire to be set free. These things will only happen if I show her unconditional love and acceptance.

How do I do that?

Honestly, I don’t have a clear answer yet. At this point all I can do is spend time where she hangs and continually pray for the Holy Spirit to guide our conversations and give me insight. Please join me in praying for the Virginia and the many other hurting people in El Paso.

•  you love us intentionally
•  you are content to spend the day with us without any big hoopla
•  you work hard to be healthy on every level for our boys.
•  you are always beautiful
• you keep us from living in a dirt house with soiled clothing
•  you take time to play and document priceless moments

I love you!

P.S. Chance say: “Happy Mothers Day Mommy. Could you get me some pretzels?”

Let me give you a little background on why I speak with confidence on these topics. From 1999 to 2007 I worked in the residential mortgage business in Portland, OR and dabbled in real estate investing. From 2007-2010 I was a licensed financial advisor and went through a lot of product training. Over the past two years I have invested a lot of time in reading and studying economics and the issues that are effecting all of our personal finances. Most importantly I have done a lot of praying and seeking God’s wisdom in these areas.

Jenni and I  have systematically reduced our monthly expenses from a high of around $7500 per month a few years ago down to around $3500 today. We believe in living a simple life with an emphasis on investing in people and ministry. We believe that we have been adopted into the Kingdom of Heaven. Being children of the Kingdom we are blessed with unlimited resources when we follow His instructions for living and claim His promises in faith. (this is a whole other post or 10).

Today I want to focus on a few points that can be found in the parable of the talents Matthew 25:14-30 NKJV. Come on a short journey with me.

• Those who have spent time seeking wisdom will be given more to manage. there is real truth to this, we are instructed to seek wisdom and understanding in regards to growing and protecting our resources. We need to be excellent stewards and treat what God has given us with the utmost care.

• We should not hoard what God has entrusted to us. Money needs to flow to grow.

• The treasures of the Kingdom are entrusted to His servants. Look closely at verse 14 where it specifically talks about who was given the talents to manage.

• He trusts us to do our research and to make decisions with the wisdom He is imparting to us. Seek Him, do your research, seek wise council, be decisive and pay attention. (After the talents were distributed He went on a journey verse 15). We may not hear a clear yes or no on every financial decision that we face.

• We should not paralyzed by be fear and indecision. (This is a tough one for me because I am not decisive naturally and from childhood I learned to live in fear). Look at verse 25 because I think this speaks to most of us. Once we have done our due diligence we need to take action.

Please meditate on this parable and pray for wisdom to be revealed to you. It is extremely important to draw out what God has to say to you personally. My only objective is to get you to start thinking and asking questions so you can act wisely and decisively.

Interested in some fabulous resources? Contact me by email, Facebook or twitter and I will be happy to share them.

Time for some real honesty here. I’m sick of being broke and feeling little or no purpose in my life.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I love spending time with my family and friends and doing everyday ordinary stuff. It’s important to understand I don’t think money is the secret to happiness. With that being said, I do know some really amazing things I could do with a big chunk of money. It is hard to deny that money is of significant importance in our lives.

My frustration is in the bigger picture. I haven’t had any world shaking goals or ambitions that keep me awake at night. I haven’t been living in my purpose with passion. I have had adventure since we followed the ministry call to El Paso, TX for Jenni’s position with Paseo but I still haven’t found my sweet spot.

Ever since I was a teenager I have had a passion for business. I’ve always thought I be financially independent one day with the ability to give abundantly and provide properly for my family.

I know God gives us dreams and desires for a reason. I am choosing to embrace mine and begin to live out my destiny. God wants me to have a massive impact while I am on this earth I and intend to do it.

Greg and Nate gave a sermon series on Sacrifice, Risk and Impact recently. The message that really stood out to me was about risk. I always play it safe. I want to protect my ego from getting wounded so I don’t really push too hard at anything. Today, I am choosing to move forward and take some risk. I will detail out my risk at a later date.

So after much prayer and countless job applications; my heart says “Go For It!”

What am I going to do? Well, I am going to take a job if it is offered. I will not sit and wait for it though. I am working hard on setting up my Infinite Banking Business and I am going to build another home based or online business.

I am keeping a daily video journal as I go, some day I may share it publicly.

I don’t have the mental capacity to get way into this tonight since the brain is focused on goodbyes, packing and planning the move. I will however give a brief explanation and then provide a couple links to much more detailed information that has already been written.

Back in August I took a look at a website my parents told me about.  They had spoken to Tom and done some research on the program he teaches (Infinite Banking Concept).  Since I spent about 3 years in the financial services business after my mortgage career I was very intrigued by solid financial strategies. It took very little time for my interest to be piqued. I did some reading on his site and then called him to ask a few questions and decided to go to a breakfast he hosted in Salem.  After attending the breakfast I told Jenni that this was something we would be pursuing and it may be my primary business at some point.

The very next week my job with Carhelp came to an abrupt end. Starting a new business was not something I had any intention of doing right then so I continued to do research and read up on this concept. The first book I read (which Tom requires all clients to read before proceeding) is called “Becoming Your Own Banker” by R. Nelson Nash. I quickly read it then scheduled an appointment to meet with Tom and develop a strategy for Jenni and I. The beauty of the way Tom does business is that he will not work with someone unless they do their homework. He won’t hire an agent unless they are practicing the “infinite banking concept” themselves.  When it comes to actually getting a client started he never pushes but waits for the client to say, lets move forward.

This way of doing business blew me away because everything I had experienced in the financial business required strong sales tactics and closing skills.  Even if you were a good honest person you had to close people to get them to move forward.  I love teaching and helping people but I hate being a pushy sales person. As I have begun to work with a few clients and teach this program I have found that about 7 out of 10 people want to move forward and they start telling other people about me right away. This never happened to me with my previous experiences.

The concept in a nutshell is this: spend less than you make and save what you can in a financial instrument that has been around for hundreds of years. The products and companies we work with have been paying guaranteed interest and varying dividends for over a 100 years.  As you save this money and it begins to grow, you can have access to it for anything you need to spend money on. Your money grows tax protected, you access it tax-free and you pay yourself back with interest so that your bank begins to grow exponentially. As you begin to look into this you will see how much banks have taken advantage of you over the years. I know that we all look at low-interest home loans and think that they are great. In reality when you break down your mortgage payment you will see that almost every dollar you pay in is pure interest for several years.  Low rate or not, you are paying the bank a LOT of $$$$ in interest! What you will discover is that the volume of interest you pay is much more crucial than the interest rate.

If this concept interest you at all I would ask that you contact me and I will get a book in your hands and then set up a webinar with you to help you better understand exactly how this works and how much it can benefit you and your family. This works even if you don’t have any extra money in your budget or don’t have any need to finance your purchases. You can email me at brianclayville at gmail dot com for more information or to request a book.

My 4th quarter 2010 reading list includes: “When Heaven Invades Earth” Bill Johnson, “The Supernatural Power of the Transformed Mind” Bill Johnson, “The Tangible Kingdom” Hugh Halter & Matt Smay, “The Supernatural Ways of Royalty” Kris Vallotton & Bill Johnson

I have to tell you, my mind is being renewed daily. I am realizing how much I have focused on what people think of me and how insignificantly I view myself.

When I committed my life to Christ, I received a new identity “Prince”.  This revelation alone is allowing me to take captive my thoughts. Especially the ones that say I am merely a sinner or cause me to question who I am. How dare I think that I could have an impact for God with my measly little life?  These thoughts must be obliterated!

As I write this, I don’t have a clue how my bills will get paid because I have no income.  I am behind on rent to my current landlord.  I am getting ready to move in a couple weeks to a new city 1800 miles away to follow God’s call to ministry.  If I spend even a minute thinking about what I can provide or accomplish on my own, I immediately feel defeated and depressed. Fear is ever present if I allow it to enter my mind.

My only hope in these last couple weeks has been to pray for God to fill me up with courage and strength.  To spend hours daily engaged in study of God’s Word and these books written by men who have an incredible understanding of “identity in Christ”.

I guess the whole point I want to make today is this; don’t listen to what any voice says about you if it is counter to what Jesus has made abundantly clear about you.

• You are a Child of the King.
• This makes you a brother or sister of the risen Christ.
• You are worthy of every good thing in our Father’s Kindgom and it is available to you today.
• Stop waiting for Heaven and start living as a Prince today

I would love to hear feedback from you. Do you know your identity?

Thank you Lord for freedom in you

Thank you Lord for freedom in this Country

Thank you Lord for family (especially mine)

Thank you Lord for a day to rest, refresh, eat and be joyful with the ones we love.

May your day be filled with blessings from the Lord today.  Take time to thank Him and those around you for what they mean to you.

Be Blessed

Your personality is so fun and goofy.  It’s a bizarre combination of your Mom and Me and our  goofiest traits.  You are the constant clown and almost always happy!  Your smiles are completely contagious and your laughter can cheer up the grumpiest person.  Some say you look like me, I hope I am half as cute as you.You were born to us in a challenging period of our life and have had to endure a lot of pain over your first two years.  You have amazingly brightened our World in a time that truly was very dark in many ways.  You make good days better and really hard days tolerable.  Thank you for bringing sunshine to our lives every day Paxton.

Dear Paxton,

I want you to know beyond a shadow of any doubt; that you are loved, that your daddy is proud of you and above all else you have a heavenly Father that adores you and will never leave you or forget you.

No matter what challenge you are faced with you can count on God to be there to guide you and love you.  God has huge plans for you life, I pray you will choose to follow those plans.  You can count on me to encourage you in those wildest pursuits and to equip you the best I possibly can.   Every time I look at you my heart swells with pride and joy.  I will always strive to make clear how I feel about you.  God bless your life today, tomorrow and forever!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Love You,

Daddy

Today I am cheating and using what Jenni has already shared about our trip…

I will give my thoughts in more detail another day.