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Posts Tagged ‘love’

Welcome faithful readers,
I would like to invite you along for the next few turns in my personal journey.  It may be boring or it could get a little crazy because these are crazy times we are living in.

Whether you believe in God or not, I hope you will desire to know Him or know Him in a more intimate way after seeing what He is doing in my life.  If my story intrigues you, please check back often for updates.

For a little back story on who I am read here because I am going to jump right into my present day situation.

Last year was by far the biggest growth year of my life.  I learned more about myself, my wife and what it means to be refined by fire.  God was with me all along, even during the months when I pushed him away.

  • He taught me about true forgiveness
  • He showed me some deep insecurities that needed to be removed
  • He gave me a glimpse of the depth of His love
  • He blessed me with a new marriage
  • He is teaching me the beauty of walking with Him in faith
Tuesday, August 31st, 2010 was my last day working with “The Company”.

Check back tomorrow to find out what happened…

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One Thing with Refineus.org

Today, Jenni and I got the privilege to guest post over at RefineUs.org. Justin and Trisha are GREAT friends of ours and have built an amazing ministry out of their story. Talk about beauty from ashes.

If you didn’t know, Justin and Trish were an instrumental part to the restoration of Jenni and my marriage. They are good people… OUR people.

Here’s an excerpt from our post:

When we got married (Brian was 26 & Jenni was 22), our thoughts and concerns at the time were about one thing: Our STATUS.

We’re not saying we didn’t love each other or that we shouldn’t have gotten married… we’re simply stating that our new “status” was more attractive than thinking about the reality of what marriage meant.

It wasn’t till after we divorced our old marriage that we FINALLY began to talk about these things. We talked about our dreams, our desires, our goals… and soon realized we both wanted …

To read more…Click Here

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Love Is Demanding

I never thought I would write about one of the most over used and most often ignored passages in The Bible.

It really hit me when a guy from our small group shared his testimony and read this passage along with it.  This verse makes more sense to me and is more clear to me now than the 100 times I had read/heard it before.  You know the saying, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”?  Well, it applies here.  I now see how true that cliche really is.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)

There are a couple of lines that really stand out to me in light of my experiences with love this year.

Love never gives up

Love cares more for others than for self…In relationships – especially marriage, it is easy to do “stuff” for your spouse and think, “I just racked up some points.”  What it’s saying instead of considering the “points”, we do these things JUST because we want to care for our spouse and honor our relationship.  This also helps us avoid building up unspoken expectations.  According to this verse, there are no points in “real” love.

Love doesn’t keep score of the sins of others and puts up with anything… This one really hit home for me.  I can’t relive the times my wife hurt me so I can justify rude, hurtful or, in my case, silent behavior.  Once it’s forgiven, it is to never be used against the one you love again.

I have gained a fresh perspective on loving someone unconditionally as well as living under the illusion of love.  I have been guilty of claiming to love but not having all the attributes listed above.  I have experienced the claim of love for me with many of these pieces missing as well.  I truly believe now that if I look for someone else to love me like this description, there will most likely be disappointment.  If I choose to love to the best of my ability like this, my love may come back to me more purely than I ever expected.

I am called to give it my best effort.

Can any of us claim to have perfect love for anyone or anything?  These are pretty demanding statements.

How have you experienced love like this?
How have you shown love like this?

I would actually love to hear about it.

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Birthday Tribute

It’s really hard to compete with Jenni’s own birthday tribute so I won’t even try.  Instead, I will just make a couple statements showing my admiration.

     JENNI

  • You are one the most courageous people I have ever known
  • You seek to love, respect and honor me (this makes me happy)
  • God is using you in huge ways because you choose an authentic life
  • You are a fabulous mother to our boys
  • Your cooking skills have blossomed and I love the meals you make
  • You are beautiful on the outside and the inside
  • I am so excited about spending the next 31 years with you

Hope you enjoy your free birthday present because that is all I can afford this year.  I love you very much!

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Dear Men,

I feel like my voice has been awakened for you.  The faithful, strong, loving husbands and fathers.

You know who you are.

You are the type who treat people with respect even when they don’t deserve it.  You turn the other cheek frequently and take care of your business (at least the business that you know how to handle).  I was one of you my whole life.

I AM YOU.

Then one day,  my world was shaken so hard it almost destroyed me in it’s quake.  My wife and I shared that experience  publicly yesterday for the first time.

What I want to share today are a few key “things” that helped me find my voice (people/decisions):

FRIENDS: Justin and Trisha Davis were placed in our path by God at just the right time.  They helped tip the first domino that began a crucial and life changing chain of events for us.  You can read about that on Justin’s recent post.  Another couple who we connected to immediately was Chad & Sarah Markley.  Sarah and Jenni connected first, but Chad quickly became a lifeline for me.  Chad modeled the behavior I wanted to reflect in my life.  He pursued me and spoke truth and love to me.

It was after Jenni had revealed her affair to me that I began a long period of soul searching, hiding, self-medicating and just plain being angry and depressed.  I had a few people along the way who spoke truth to me and probably a hundred people praying over us from near and far.  Satan tried everything in his power to suppress my voice and keep me in hiding.

Fortunately,  God had bigger plans for me.

DECISIONS: Early on, I chose to stay with Jenni even though she had totally broken my heart.  It was a combination of knowing that she was the love of my life and not wanting my boys to grow up in a broken home.  Later, I made another decision.  It was time to “OWN” my pain, only then could God truly begin to heal my heart.  Until I could totally forgive Jenni, I would not be free from reliving that pain.

Once I came to grips with these decisions, I was free to hear God’s voice.  My desire to seek Him daily was awakened like I hadn’t experienced in years.  Having this renewed connection with God was the most healing experience in this whole devastation.  This also opened the door to using the tools my Life Coach introduced me to.  He helped me look at “thoughts” I was holding onto from my past that kept me from expressing my feelings and being the MAN God had called me to be.  Almost immediately, I let go of some destructive thought patterns… the one’s that were not serving me.  Almost immediately, I found myself freely speaking my mind.  

FINALLY!

Within days, I was communicating with Jenni in ways I never had in our whole 8 years of marriage.

It was honest.
It was intimate.
It was AWESOME!

This is when God clearly said, “Brian, it’s time to share your story”. I mentioned this to Jenni and what was amazing was she said she was hearing the same exact message from God.

We went to our counselor, our coach and our closest supporters and they all agreed it was a good idea.  Matt, our pastor,  said it would be perfect if we could share our story during his message that coming Sunday (yesterday).  This was WAY SOONER than we had in mind but we chose to believe that God’s timing is perfect.

Men… Do whatever it takes to Seek God and have Him help you find your voice!  There are hundreds of thousands of people who can be encouraged by what you have to say.  Lives and relationships can be changed for the better.

It’s not easy.  In fact, it’s downright scary… but God has called you to do it!  I am discovering every day that the most exciting place to live is in the center of God’s will.

Please continue to pray for us and specifically that I can continue to use my voice to honor God.

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About three or four weeks ago, I made a decision to be completely obedient to God.

You may think, If you are a Christian, shouldn’t you have done that a long time ago?

The answer would be, YES!

And I have done this several times in my life before.

Life happened and I slipped back into old habits, justifying behavior as I went along.

Part of this obedience process has been really painful, but the joy I am feeling is SO much greater.  This morning at 10:30am Jenni and I will be sharing something that is very painful and real at our Church.  We are so fortunate, that our story doesn’t end with the pain, we have found hope in forgiveness and in Jesus Christ.

If you read this in time and live in Portland, come here our story.  If you can’t make it, go ahead and listen to the podcast that should be available by Monday.

God is so Good and I am excited to see where this adventure takes us over the coming days, months and years!  Please, Keep us in your prayers so God can be glorified in our humility.

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Home Sweet Home

Home is a very happy place for me.  I have learned to slow down and appreciate the little things in life.  Making lots of money vs. making lots of memories, What is more important in the end?

If you were to die tomorrow, what would you regret about your life?  Who would you wish you had spent more time with?  What has been left unsaid that you would wish you could have said?  Who needs you to give them a word of encouragement or just spend some time listening to them?

Stop living half way and go see who you need to see, say what you need to say and dedicate the time to things you have been putting off.  People, our time on earth is short and we only get one shot.  Don’t live with regret, get it done!

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