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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

Welcome faithful readers,
I would like to invite you along for the next few turns in my personal journey.  It may be boring or it could get a little crazy because these are crazy times we are living in.

Whether you believe in God or not, I hope you will desire to know Him or know Him in a more intimate way after seeing what He is doing in my life.  If my story intrigues you, please check back often for updates.

For a little back story on who I am read here because I am going to jump right into my present day situation.

Last year was by far the biggest growth year of my life.  I learned more about myself, my wife and what it means to be refined by fire.  God was with me all along, even during the months when I pushed him away.

  • He taught me about true forgiveness
  • He showed me some deep insecurities that needed to be removed
  • He gave me a glimpse of the depth of His love
  • He blessed me with a new marriage
  • He is teaching me the beauty of walking with Him in faith
Tuesday, August 31st, 2010 was my last day working with “The Company”.

Check back tomorrow to find out what happened…

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I have had the good fortune of being asked to guest post for Jenny Rain.  Please support her and check out the other great men that have contributed this week to her “man week series”

Jenni has also written a very nice post about me.  Thanks Honey.

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9 Years

I just don’t think there is any possible way to top what happened last weekend.  That was probably the best moment in time I can remember.

We are most definitely in our best year of marriage of the 9.  God has worked in amazing ways to bring us to a place of renewal.  We are renewed as people, renewed as a couple and re-energized for life.

I am in awe of how God has revealed his love and mercy toward us, His broken children.  He has revealed Himself to us through our friends who have shown us unlimited love, grace and encouragement.  He has shown himself through family who has supported us with unconditional love, prayer and even finances.  He has shown Himself to us through changed lives within our church family.

Jenni,

Thank you for the journey.  I am blessed to be married to someone who is so incredibly real.  The amount of courage you have displayed is mind-boggling to me.  We are in love and re-married because you have shown me how committed you are to me and to living an authentic life.  Sometimes living the authentic life with you is just plain scary.

You challenge me to lead better, speak up more and live more fully.  You choose to love me even when it’s difficult.  You are quick to acknowledge mistakes and seek forgiveness.  You serve me very unselfishly and I do notice.

Let’s continue this story together and see what God has in store for us!

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I realize that my last post left a lot of detail out so I decided to make it a 2 part series…

In my attempt to be open and real I don’t want to point blame anywhere but on myself. The fact is Jenni and I grew up in such different environments that we developed habits and responses to things that are totally different and not always complimentary. I want to express that I am really sorry for my lack of emotion and expression in so many years of our marriage.

Jenni grew up around constant conflict and I grew up with passivism (I made that word up) and conflict avoidance. When I was rude or unthoughtful Jenni would quickly let me know. When Jenni would get upset with me sometimes she spoke to me in an abrasive tone. This was how she learned to cope in her home growing up. I, however learned to shut everyone out when things were uncomfortable. I never really saw open conflict in my home so I didn’t really know how to respond to it in marriage. I would respond by shutting down and avoiding her and our issues. Jenni did not have any ill intent in her communication with me, but I perceived it as an attack and would totally retreat. Over the years I harbored these feelings of bitterness but never talked about it.

Jenni became very aware of how she communicated with me. She really worked hard at not letting things bug her so much and to bring them up to me in gentler way. She has also really become an incredible supporter of me, very selfless in so many ways. She is an incredible mother to our children and an extremely devoted wife to me.

Over the years I was pretty lazy about working on my issues and being able to communicate my feelings to her. So I didn’t really progress, I just tried to do all the right actions when it came to serving Jenni or our kids. Actions with out the intimate interaction is pretty useless. It’s like “truth and law” with out “love and grace”.

The more Jenni understood of herself, the better she got at being a safe place for me. In the last year I finally started to let her in to my inner world. I am still pretty guarded at times but it is something I am aware of and working on. The great thing now is that I trust Jenni with my feelings but I still have to dig down and uncover what I’m feeling.

With every level of new awareness we have a greater obligation to work on ourselves in order to be better as a couple. My only reason for sharing these thoughts is encourage someone else who may be experiencing similar challenges in their life. If one person can find some healing then it’s all worth while.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

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This week-end we headed out to Lincoln City with the family. It’s always hard to get away but thankfully Jenni does a good job of scheduling these things for us every quarter or so. She is so great too because she packs up our whole family while I’m at work. I get home and we hit the road right away. It’s quite awesome!

This week-end started out rough but ended great. Jenni and I had friction on the way out-of-town and didn’t really talk about it until Saturday. I broke down after a tiff regarding the children. I was holding back and not talking about feelings I had experienced. Any of you guys ever do that? Ha Ha…Don’t even tell me you haven’t.

Basically I am still experiencing some bitterness from the way Jenni interacted with me during our early years of marriage. There is still junk in my emotional life that I need to deal with and things I need to process and forgive Jenni for. It is strange because I already forgave her for something that seems so much bigger and uglier.

Here is the deal: Even tiny bits of bitterness left unchecked can destroy you! The issues I need to forgive are being controlling, speaking harshly to me, being selfish and so on. These were things that happened over time and I never spoke up to let her know how it affected me. I just tried to deal with it silently, alone. Now, 6-8 years later I am still feeling the effects and trying to continue dealing with it alone. If your saying, “why would you do that?” I don’t really have an answer.

I at least told her what I am feeling so now we can process it together and she can make adjustments to help me heal and forgive. It’s my job to let her in and share these feelings when they show up. Satan wants me to suffer silently and be bitter, God desires me to be whole and for our relationship to thrive.

What do you need to bring out in the open? Walk with me and find forgiveness for the one you feel bitterness toward.

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One Thing with Refineus.org

Today, Jenni and I got the privilege to guest post over at RefineUs.org. Justin and Trisha are GREAT friends of ours and have built an amazing ministry out of their story. Talk about beauty from ashes.

If you didn’t know, Justin and Trish were an instrumental part to the restoration of Jenni and my marriage. They are good people… OUR people.

Here’s an excerpt from our post:

When we got married (Brian was 26 & Jenni was 22), our thoughts and concerns at the time were about one thing: Our STATUS.

We’re not saying we didn’t love each other or that we shouldn’t have gotten married… we’re simply stating that our new “status” was more attractive than thinking about the reality of what marriage meant.

It wasn’t till after we divorced our old marriage that we FINALLY began to talk about these things. We talked about our dreams, our desires, our goals… and soon realized we both wanted …

To read more…Click Here

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She Said Yes!!!

Mr. Non Romanticist is my name…No Seriously…

I never actually proposed before we got married the first time.  I have been reminded for the last nine years by someone to be left unnamed.  So I decided this would be a perfect time to make up for it and step up my romance game.  Last night was our 10th anniversary from our first date and it was our small group night.  Perfect time to do a real proposal and get video proof.  Here it is for those of you who haven’t seen it yet on Jenni’s blog.

I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with a woman who loves God and who is constantly striving to be a better wife, mom and friend. Love you honey

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